A Mother's Heart
by wakingsky
Summary: I stood on the edge, looking over. Had it really come to this? Was my life really over? Esme's story of a broken heart that was healed and came back bigger than ever.
1. Prologue It's come to this

**A/N:** Stephanie owns Twilight – I felt as though Esme's story needed to be told. I have a couple of short chapters ready to go – just putting on the final touches. This will not be a long story, but one that I had to write. This is my first fanfic, but please review and let me know what you think.

**Prologue**

I stood on the edge, looking over. Had it really come to this? Was my life really over?

The wind was gently swirling around me causing my hair to lift and toss about and sending every nerve ending in body on full alert. I closed my eyes to take it all in… the breeze and how it made my skin tingle with exhilaration – with life.

Two things flashed though my mind as my delicate slippers clung to the grassy ledge. The first was a tiny face, gasping for air, so tired from struggling to pull in another breath. The second was the face of a perfect man that I hadn't physically looked upon in over a decade, but he remained as timeless and ageless in my thoughts as the first tiny face would…forever.

I am tired. Tired of living a lie and forcing myself to be the person that others want me to be. Tired of the pretensions that come with being the perfect daughter, wife. For just a few short days, I was the perfect mother. I had held my beautiful son for such a short time before he took his last few breaths. He was so weak and the local doctor could do nothing for his lung infection. If only my perfect doctor could have been there, he would have known what to do to save my little one in time.

How did my life turn so quickly? What had I done to deserve this miserable life that I was about to end?

A/N: Please review and let me know what you think!!!


	2. Chapter 1 My Angel

**A/N:** Stephanie owns Twilight – I like to imagine them as friends! Thanks to those that reviewed and sorry it took me awhile to post this next chapter. I have several written, but need to be sure they are organized enough to post!

**Chapter 1**

In 1895, my life began. I was born Esme Anne Platt – first and only daughter to Milton and Penelope Platt. My father owned and ran a small farm on the outskirts of Columbus, Ohio along with my mother and a multitude of farmhands. This was the extent of my family. Although my parents were not rich by any standards, we managed a comfortable life compared to some of our neighbors.

Our home was a quaint dwelling that offered the necessary accommodations for a small family living a country life. We were staring down the turn of the century and had many luxuries for the time, but anytime that our farm could not produce what we needed, father would load my mother and I into the carriage for a day trip into the city.

I remember once, when I was eight, we made such a trip. This was a special trip for the city's centennial celebration. I vividly remember the streets being full of merchants and vendors. The smell of the food being cooked and served on the street with jugglers walking right in front of you to entertain! The sight of all the gentlemen in their top hats and long coats and the ladies in their overflowing floral bonnets! On the farm, we were used to always dressing for our daily chores, but tonight, we had worn our Sunday's best to enjoy a night in the big city.

I remember this trip not only because of the centennial celebration, but it was a pivotal point in the relationship I had with my parents.

The mayor had made his grand speech and announced the firework finale would begin momentarily. Of course I wanted a better look, so I had let go of my mother's hand and wandered off toward the expansive lawn in the center of the square. This area had been entirely fenced in for tonight's festivities which was clearly a warning to keep out. I stood and gazed at the men that had gathered to prepare and launch the fireworks.

Finally the realization had hit me…where are my parents? When I noticed the separation, and the true nature of anxieties set into motion, I sat down beside the fence and started sobbing. My parents had instilled in me that crying did no good stating that "Big girls don't cry – they learn to just hold it in". I wasn't scared so why was I crying? A moment later, I heard a faint whisper, "Why are you crying little one?" Had I said this out loud?

As I looked up, a lady with the face of an angel sat down beside me. I remember thinking to myself that she actually _**was**_ an angel because of her beauty. Her hair looked like cascading ribbons of the finest black satin and her eyes were the color of the warmest caramel. I tried to stop my tears long enough to answer her, but I noticed that she had the saddest look on her face. She looked as though she should be crying, but couldn't. This didn't help me at all.

It was a few minutes before I could compose myself long enough to squeak out, "I…I can't find my family. They were just here and now…and now they're…they're gone."

She pulled me up, wrapped her arms tight around my tiny frame and started rocking me back and forth. Her wonderful sweet scent pulled me further into her hold and for some reason, I begin to miss my grandmother. My Granna had always held me like this. I remembered anytime that I would fall or get injured, my mother would send me to my grandmother who would always soothe me. My newest rescuer definitely possessed my Granna's nurturing skills. Her beauty, her scent, her compassion were all overwhelmingly comforting to me at the time. I clung to her refusing to let go.

"I promise you, everything will be okay and we will find your family. You will be happy again very soon."

This exact moment stands out perfectly, because even at eight, I realized that this woman was genuinely concerned about me and my well being. It seemed that my pain and grief caused her the same. As she tried to help me retrace my steps, I remembered my father was questioning a tobacco vendor, so we started back toward the center of town.

We walked throughout the sea of bonnets and top hats. Would we ever find them? After countless minutes, we finally found my parents. The woman carefully handed me over to my mother who gave me a disapproving look and quickly scolded me for walking off. What?!

"Thank you for bringing her back and I apologize for ruining your night." I was crying now because I was overjoyed to have been reunited with my family, but my mother simply looked down at me with a frown. "Are you tired? Do you want to go home now?"

How could a perfect stranger be so compassionate and so willing to comfort me, yet my own mother would barely pat me on my head? I simply nodded my head, agreeing with her. As we started to walk off, I turned once more to my rescuer. I didn't want to forget one thing about her. I took a moment to take in her angelic face which still radiated with those maternal instincts. My pause gave my mother yet another reason to face me and frown. Before she could say anything, I ran back to my rescuer and gave her one last hug, still crying.

I choked out, "Thank you, for finding my family."

As I looked up, the fireworks finale was exploding high in the sky over her head and gave her a colorful halo. Again, I was standing there in total awe and completely mesmerized by her beauty but most of all her kindness. She lowered herself to her knees and pushed her flowing black curls to one side. She hugged me once more and this time she drew in a deep breath. She smiled and said, "My little one, I will never forget you and I want you to remember this: Happiness is the only good. The time to be happy is now. The place to be happy is here. The way to be happy is to make others so."

I felt confused. I had just met this angel, yet here I was crying because I knew that at any moment my parents would drag me back to the carriage and back home. I didn't want to leave and forget. I wanted to stay submerged in this billowy layer of comfort that she so easily provided. I wanted to wrap myself in her compassion as though it were my favorite quilt. So many different emotions that remains clear to this day as if it happened only yesterday. But, as I feared, my mother drew near and pulled me away too soon. My sweet angel opened her handbag and pulled out her handkerchief. "Don't cry, little one. Go and be happy."

"I will," as I blotted my eyes and walked slowly back to the carriage with my parents. Once safely inside our carriage, and before my mother could take it away, I quickly hid the treasured handkerchief within the folds of my dress. Did my mother see this wonderful gift? She would certainly want to take it from me with horrid stories of germs and diseases.

No, my angel was very discreet and hid the presentation of her gift well. I quickly glanced to the front of the carriage to see if my parents were looking and brought her handkerchief to my face once more. As I took another deep breath of the sweet smell, I knew that I would treasure it…always.

A/N: What is a memory that you have from your childhood?


	3. Chapter 2 Being an Angel

**A/N:** Stephanie owns the saga – I like to imagine them as friends!

Thanks to those that reviewed the last chapter. I tried to get this one out faster…just for you! I've noticed that several have this story listed as a favorite and I would appreciate feedback, so please send me a review at the bottom of the page! I will try to post at least once a week…unless real life gets in the way.

OR that pesky little thing that I call my "job".

**Chapter 2 - Being an Angel**

Throughout the next few years, anytime I was sad or broken hearted, I would pull out my handkerchief and think about my special rescuer. Even now she seemed to be able to calm me down with her imaginary hugs and words of kindness and encouragement. I had made a vow to myself, riding home that fateful night – no matter the circumstance that I would always strive to find the good in every situation. I would strive to be an optimistic and happy person throughout my life. I would love beyond normal means. This kind stranger had shown me it was possible and I would reach outside of what my parents had taught me – I would love deeply.

At every opportunity, when life took a turn for the worse, I would smile. I would ask myself, _what would my angel do if she were here_? Then whatever the situation, whatever answer I came up with, I did.

Two months after my sixteenth birthday, I was walking home from school when I noticed there were several children standing under a tree. Its huge branches were suspended right above the children's heads – very easy for them to just reach up and grab hold.

I would have continued on down the road, but something didn't seem right. What caught my attention was their non-stop teasing and laughing. I could hear them calling out to someone, but as I got nearer, I couldn't see anything. I crept closer and closer, trying not to disturb the children to scare them away before I could find out who or what they were teasing.

Then I saw him.

It was Walter, my five year old neighbor from down the road. The little boy was pale white and his eyes were the size of tea saucers. By the words the children were using, he had climbed up into the tree to prove he wasn't scared – only then to learn that he was indeed scared of heights! Walter was trembling so hard, I thought the leaves themselves would start molting from the tree. As I looked and listened closer, he had started to cry and now the children had something else to chant, "Cry baby, cry baby!"

I couldn't hold back anymore. I walked up to the tree and looked at the children sternly. "Well, I would be ashamed! You children should not be doing this. What if it were you up there?"

They turned and looked at me quickly – eyes wide. I continued my scolding, "Now, you all should go home. Your parents are probably starting to wonder what mischief you've gotten into. Go on! Go home!"

I heard several groans and utterance of "yeah, she's right" and some "I hope she doesn't tell my mom" as the children scattered. I waited until they were all gone before I looked up in the tree. Walter was still eyes wide at me and the ground and if possible, his grip on the tree branches had become twice as severe. I wasn't sure if he remembered me or not, but my heart was wrenching from chest just looking at the fear on his face.

As I called his name, Walter started weeping. "Why are you crying little one?" A sense of déjà vu overwhelmed me as I thought of my golden eyed angel. "Are you afraid that you'll fall? And look, the other children are gone now. Can you come down on your own?" He stares straight at me and then rapidly shakes his head back and forth – telling me no. His tears stopping momentarily, I ask him, "Where you afraid of them?"

"I'm afraid to climb back down…it's just too high!!"

A sudden tear appeared at the corner of my eye and started rolling down my cheek, his grief becoming my grief. So, what else could I do? I immediately started climbing the tree branches, dress and all. Great! If my mother were to see me now, she would surely be disappointed. But there was no way I could leave him here to go find help.

As I started my climb, I started talking to him to see if I could help calm him down and slow down his sobbing. "So, Walter, do you remember me?" He looked at me and cocked his head to the side, "You're Ms. Esme, right?" The sobbing had turned to sniffles as I continued my ascension.

_Good, it's working._

The boy was a good 20 feet off the ground and I was almost to him. I had to keep his mind off the distance to the ground. "So, what is your favorite animal, Walter?" He continued to look at me and sniffle.

"I have a dog at home."

I continued pulling myself up toward Walter and kept him talking "What's his name?"

"Jake. He's my best friend, you know."

I stopped and smiled at him. "Wow, that's a great name for a dog. Can I meet Jake when we get down from here?" Then my reward came. Walter broke out in the biggest grin possible – showing me his missing front tooth. He was adorable and I knew that he would be okay.

"Yes'm! You'll love Jake, he's a good dog. He fetches and everything."

I finally reached him and held out my hand. "Okay, Walter. I am going to hold your hand on the way down. I want you to use your other hand to hang onto the branches. Okay?"

"Yes'm," he said. "You know that he was a birthday present from my mom? I have to feed him every day and make sure he has lots of fresh water!" I smiled at him gently squeezing his hand and as we continued our descent, I kept asking Walter random questions about Jake to keep his mind occupied.

When we were halfway down, I felt the branch under my right foot give way and felt myself falling. It seemed less than a second and all in one big blur, but I hit the ground…hard. I felt the air push out of my lungs with a whoosh and then the pain hit.

_Oh no…my leg._

Something was definitely not right. I tried to wiggle my toes, but the pain radiated out like someone hit me with a fire poker; burning and searing all the way up to my leg.

Through the pain, I suddenly remembered…WALTER!! Did he fall as well? Was he hurt? I turned my head back up to the tree and saw that he was slowly making his way down. Even through my burning pain, I encouraged him to make it all the way to the bottom. I knew I needed help and for now, he was the only one here.

Once he was on the ground, Walter ran over to me. "Ms. Esme, are you okay?

"Walter, I've hurt my leg! I…I don't…I don't think I can walk!"

"Should I go get my mom?" he asked, while patting my hand.

"Yes, please! And run Walter, please hurry!" I didn't get the last "please" out before he had taken off running.

He yelled back to me over his shoulder, "I will be right back and I'll bring help, Ms. Esme!"

Good boy, I thought, while laying my head back on the ground. I closed my eyes trying to breathe in and out slowly, but couldn't help the tears that were flowing. This was the worse pain that I've ever felt. And of course, as usual, my mind conjures up my golden eyed angel and what she would say to me now to help calm me.

I instinctively reached down into my apron pocket and pulled out her handkerchief, holding it to my nose. Its sweet smell was long gone, but I smiled as I heard her imaginary voice inside my head.

_My dear, you were wonderful. You helped Walter! He was embarrassed and you made the other children go away. He was scared and you helped to calm him. He was shy and you made him talk to ease him down out of the tree. I am so proud of you!_

"Thank you," I whispered out loud, almost willing her to hear me – where ever she was now. "Thank you for always being with me." The darkness overtook me then. I felt my eyes closing and suddenly I felt as if I was floating and the pain…was gone.

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**A/N: Again, please review!**


	4. Chapter 3 Angel Eyes

**A/N:** Again, Stephanie owns the saga – I like to imagine them as friends!

I'll apologize to everyone for this chapter taking so long to post. I am overworked in RL and have also been jotting down notes for a new FF that is riddling my brain (one that is NOT rated teen). Again, this story shouldn't be too many chapters, just need to get the story out of my head and down on this virtual paper.

I wanted to say "Thanks" to those that reviewed the last chapter and another "Thanks" to those that added me as a favorite. I appreciate feedback, so please send me a review at the bottom of the page!

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Chapter 3

_I instinctively reached down into my apron pocket and pulled out her handkerchief, holding it to my nose. Its sweet smell was long gone, but I smiled as I heard her imaginary voice inside my head._

_My dear, you were wonderful. You helped Walter! He was embarrassed and you made the other children go away. He was scared and you helped to calm him. He was shy and you made him talk to ease him down out of the tree. I am so proud of you!_

"_Thank you," I whispered out loud, almost willing her to hear me – where ever she was now. "Thank you for always being with me." The darkness overtook me then. I felt my eyes closing and suddenly I felt as if I was floating and the pain…was gone._

It's dark and I am in pain. No, something is definitely not right. I try to open my eyes to look around and I can hear Walter's mother chatting to my mother from afar. What happened? What's going on?

My eyes slowly open and take in my bedroom around me…I am definitely home. I slightly move, ready to get up and the raging pain is back. Somehow, my curiosity takes a back seat to the incredible pain making its way through my body. I think I scream at this point. I am not sure. I hear someone by my side and holding my hand and trying to get me to drink. The pain is too much for me to focus on anything else, but I drink the bitterness. My, it's hot. Feels like someone poured hot tea down my throat without asking. What is going on? And just like it started, everything fades back out to black.

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My next moment of consciousness finds me in the back of our carriage – very bumpy ride. I feel the pain, still, but it seems slightly muted. It hurts, but I don't care so much. Mmmmm, what's going on here?

My tongue feels thick. I smack my lips together and get a feeling for how thick they are as well. Makes no sense, but at least the pain is dulled.

I look around the back of the carriage… I am alone. I turn my head to look toward the front to get my bearings and see my mother. She has chosen to sit up front with father, leaving me all alone in the back. In my mind, I question her sanity of not wanting to coddle me. I mean, I know that I am not a child any more, but why would a mother not want to console her offspring that is hurting?

I do what I normally do in such situations where my mother successfully neglects me. I remind myself that I am _indeed_, a big girl now. I remind myself that I have always _known_ that she was definitely not the "mothering" type.

So, I pull my handkerchief out and hold it tightly in my hands. My rescuer from so long ago was immediately at my side, patting my hand and telling me how everything was going to be alright. The ride immediately became even less excruciating as I started to calm down. I even began to feel my heart rate lower and my breaths became slower. I may have even smiled at one point. I could feel her warm golden eyes on me…reassuring me that everything would be okay.

I hear my mother reciting the words back to my father telling the story of how I ended up broken. It seems our local doctor was out on a house call on the far side of the county and wouldn't be back until well after midnight. The nurse suggested that my mother "liquor me up" and take me the 5 miles into Columbus. She assured my mother that the hospital there was fully staffed at night and would be able to accommodate the level of care that I needed.

_Columbus?! Hmmm, maybe I would see my golden eyed angel tonight – she was so loving and nurturing, she had to be a caregiver. Maybe, just maybe, I could be comforted in person tonight instead of my old memories._

Once we pulled up to the hospital, my father walked to the back of the carriage and picked me up. As he carried me inside, the pain found its way back and each step he took felt like fire ripping its way down my leg.

_They will stop the pain, they WILL stop the pain,……… I hope they can stop the pain._

The foyer was dimly lit as most patients had been seen and dismissed. After ringing the bell several times, a timid woman came to the interior door and opened it for us. She looked tired and I could almost see a desperate sigh escape her lips.

My father walked toward the second door. "I need some help for my daughter. She fell out of a tree and we believe she has broken her leg. Our local caregiver sent us this way."

The nurse immediately asked for us to follow her into the first room off to the side of the entry way. As I was placed in a little bed, the nurse handed me a cool cloth for my head and promised my parents that a doctor would be in immediately.

I took a slow and steady breath as I placed the cloth over my eyes. Immediately it helped ease the nausea but didn't stop my head from spinning. I was pulled to other places. I thought of Walter and wondered how he was doing and if he felt better.

The sudden knock on the door quickly brought me back into the room and I anxiously tilted my head towards the door. The door slowly creaked its way open as the nurse's voice introduced the doctor.

"Excuse me, Mr. Platt. This is Dr. Cullen, our local night doctor. He'll be taking care of Esme."

The cloth slid off just in time for me to see the nurse walk to the back of the room to get the supplies in order. The next voice I heard sounded like an angel straight from heaven.

I immediately stretched my neck and strained to follow the sound of the voice. When I did, I felt an excruciating pain rip through my leg and screamed out loud. At once, I felt cold hands on my face, reassuring me it would okay. The tinkling sounds of melodic harmonies that resonated from him took me straight back in time to my angelic rescuer. It was almost as he was imitating her voice; just to soothe me…I wondered briefly if they were related.

When the pain passed, I opened my eyes. _Oh my…_

_Oh my, Lord._

_His eyes. His wonderful eyes. His wonderful…they looked like fresh honey…maybe even a buckskin foal. _

His gorgeous eyes were trained right on me and I could see the same golden eyes and the same look of concern and compassion was now staring at me. But there was also a new feeling.

I didn't know if it was the medicinal "liquor" that my parents used or what, but I was starting to sweat and blush under this particular set of golden eyes. His hair, his nose, his chin…his face was perfect. He reminded me of the Roman God stories from school. He looked as though he could be Zeus' younger brother…he was perfect.

I quickly shut my eyes, because I was just a child compared this perfect man and I was afraid that my body would catch on fire based off the heat that my face was radiating. I had never felt these feelings…ever. I had heard some of the local girls talking about "love at first site" but I never thought it was possible.

And suddenly, two cold hands are on my face, breaking my thoughts.

"Esme?" his twinkling voice said.

I pulled my eyes tighter. If I was dreaming I didn't want to wake up.

"Did she faint?" I heard my mother ask.

The voice whispers in my ear, "Esme, dear? Can you hear me?"

I feel his cool breath flowing over my face and I take a deep breath of my own. He is intoxicating. I feel as though I have drunk the medicinal liquor all over again. My head is swimming and before I know it, I have turned my face towards his.

I slowly open my eyes and behold his beauty again.

_My! Oh my – he is so lovely, so beautiful. My angel reincarnate. _

"Esme, can you hear me now? Can you speak to me?"

I feel overwhelmed but I know that I should at least speak before he assumes I am insane and helps my parents escort me to the local asylum. My voice is trembling before I even speak, but I manage to squeak out three little words.

"Yes… my angel."

_What did I just say?!?_

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A/N:

Uh-oh. Open mouth, insert foot. We've all had this disease…why should sweet and shy Esme be any different?! LOL

I will try to post another chapter after the first of the year…again, it's not me, but my 9-5 job that sucks all the mental energy away, leaving NOTHING creative in its wake. Begging for your reviews---they help with the process!

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	5. Chapter 4 StarDust

**A/N:** Again, Stephanie owns the saga – I like to imagine them as friends!

Yeah! Posting right before the New Year rings in…

Thank you for those that reviewed and to those that added me or my story to your favorites. You make me want to write more…just to see you smile! I 3 you all!

I'll have to admit that while writing this, I am listening to the Glen Miller Band. Those old numbers where you can almost hear the scratch of the needle on the record! My favorite is "Star Dust". It's definitely a good choice for you while reading this chapter if you are so inclined…

Chapter 4

"_Esme, can you hear me now? Can you speak to me?"_

_I feel overwhelmed but I know that I should at least speak now before he assumes I am insane and helps my parents escort me to the local asylum. My voice is trembling before I even speak, but I manage to squeak out three little words._

"_Yes… my angel."_

_What did I just say?_

If I wasn't dying, I wanted to at that exact moment. And if I never knew anything else about Dr. Cullen, he was a true gentleman.

He smiled down at me and continued rubbing my forehead with his cool hands and said, "Well, now, that's good to know that you think you see angels when you're in this much pain, but I can assure you, Miss Esme, you are not dying and I am definitely _NOT_ an angel."

I know that my face must have flamed a couple of shades of red. Yes, the good doctor was undeniably a gentleman. My parents chose this exact moment to excuse themselves from the room choosing to wait in the outside lobby instead. Another portion of my heart quickly died…I was almost embarrassed for them doing this in front of Dr. Cullen.

He worked very quickly with my assessment and I was totally mystified by his sweet scent. He smelled like fresh air after a summer rain. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in through my nose.

_Hmmm, I could get lost in this smell._

I wanted to remember this…him. Just like my angel before, he could be gone at any moment. When my eyes opened again, he was measuring the swelling of my injury and had this intense and focused gaze. Oh…those eyes! I could lose myself in those eyes and their warmth.

_I am getting lost a lot tonight…_

Next my eyes drifted up to his hair. It looked like spun gold and I desperately wanted to reach out and touch it, but I dared not.

About the time I was making my way down to his jaw line, Dr. Cullen moved my leg a fraction and I screamed…this of course broke my reverie.

"I'm so sorry, Esme. Dear, you're leg is broken. I will let your parents know and get you something for pain."

Right then, my eyes snapped back up to him and I'm sure the look I gave him showed my feelings…_please don't leave me!_

He patted my hand and wiped my forehead with his cool hand once again. "I will be right back, okay?"

I nodded a let out a small "Promise?" He smiled at me with the most amazing grin and slowly he leaned down and gave me a quick kiss on my forehead. I could smell his icy breath and for a moment felt as though I would pass out. So intoxicating, I wished that this moment would never end.

He quickly straightens up and gave me another smile and stepped out through the door. I could hear him talking to my parents – verifying that it was a fracture with an assurance that I would recover soon. The good doctor returned with a syringe and had a slight frown on his face.

"Esme, dear? I have something that will help ease the pain."

I slowly nodded and turned my head as he administered the shot. OUCH…never like those, but soon after, my leg still hurt, but not as much and I felt the haziness taking over.

_Hmmm, I think I like this…the weightless and the peacefulness. I feel as though I could fly…oh my, did he just ask me a question?_

It felt like it took every ounce of strength I had to turn my head back over to him. I shot him a lazy grin and he smiled in return.

"I'm sorry, what was your question?"

He cleared his throat and repeated, "Has anyone ever told you what your name means?"

I was puzzled by his question, my brain is very fuzzy, but I tried very hard to concentrate on my response. It didn't work. I blurted out, "No sir, I was under the impression I was named after my ugly aunt so I was sure it couldn't be good." I tried to smile but within my haze, I had no idea what it came out as…

_Oh those eyes…those lips! _

I had never kissed a man before, but I wanted to kiss Dr. Cullen.

_My word, why does he have to be so incredibly handsome?_

I had to somehow control my thoughts before they became my actual words.

Dr. Cullen cleared his throat and looked away – definitely laughing quietly to himself.

_Oh no! I think I said that last part out loud!_

"Umm, yes, well…Esme, according to what I've heard, your name means "love or to be loved"."

Even in my drug induced stupor, I immediately felt the heat flood my cheeks…again. This beautiful man was right in front of me but I couldn't stop the words within me from breaking the surface. For a brief moment, I didn't care. I wanted to be polite and courteous in return.

_He must think of me as a swooning teen-ager._

So I tried very hard to be different. To be bold…I wanted him to remember me apart from any other female patient.

"I bet you say that to all the ladies"…oh well, I tried. I quickly laughed and thanked the good doctor for the wonderful pain killers that had obviously taken effect.

The whole time we were "talking", Dr. Cullen was wrapping my leg in plaster. The coolness immediately reminded me of his hands and I'm sure I blushed again. I felt as though my heart would jump out of my chest when his hand briefly brushed my leg. He stopped suddenly and looked into my eyes. "Are you okay over there?"

"Never been better, Dr. Cullen" I giggled as a sudden thought popped into my head. "Dr. Cullen, what is your first name?"

He shrugged his shoulders and let out another small laugh himself. "Esme, you may call me Carlisle, if you wish." He cut those golden honey eyes over to me as he kept the smirk on his face, "Do you know what my name means?"

"I haven't a clue, sir" my voice rang out. I shuddered at how brazen I had become. I'm sure if my mother had been in the room, she would have scolded me. I smiled at the opportunity to relax and be myself with the good doctor. Even if it was drug induced. I hear another chuckle from the good doctor, wondering if I said that out loud as well.

_I've got to contain my thoughts! I have to concentrate!_

"Carlisle means light or brightness".

_Light, brightness, honey, buckskin…_

"Mmmmm…Golden eyes." The last part came from my inner voice and was out of my mouth before I could stop it. The embarrassing moments from tonight just kept on getting worse.

He smiled at me again with a small laugh…he patted my head. A sense of dread surged through me as I knew he was about to leave. My leg was thoroughly bandaged. I wanted to keep this moment forever, so I memorized it…completely.

Besides his looks, his touch felt like thousands of tiny bubbles bursting inside my stomach all at one time. His hands were so cool to the touch…it made my skin feel hotter still and my head… Well, my head felt so light that I was afraid it would float away detaching itself from my body. Again, I wanted to fly.

I felt my heart stutter and was surprised that he quickly turned his head to look at me once more. He had a very curious gleam in those golden eyes. He stood beside me and leaned down to my face once again.

"Dear Esme, you are indeed a treasure. One day you will find your special someone and he…well, he will be the luckiest boy in the world." He stopped and sighed. "He better be good to you…remember your name means 'to be loved'. Always remember your worth, sweet girl. Never doubt yourself… you are simply…amazing."

With that he bent over and gave me a brief kiss on my cheek and then my forehead. In one swift movement, he was out the door and talking to my parents, giving them the instructions for my aftercare.

Even though I had just been given the most beautiful compliment from the most beautiful man, I frowned. I couldn't help but think that I would never find another man like Dr. Cullen…my Carlisle. He was beautiful, brilliant, charming and funny. No man would ever measure up to him…he was…perfect.

**A/N:** Anyone else feel like swooning into Dr. Carlisle's arms? I thought about doing a half chapter in Carlisle's POV to help see the humor in his head and what he's feeling during this little examination of Esme…especially with her verbal spouts! What do you all think?

I will try to post another chapter after the first of the year…totally dependent on RL and how much 9-5 sucks at my creativeness. Begging for your reviews-they help with the process, promise!

6


	6. Chapter 5 New Beau

**A/N:** Stephanie owns Twilight – I like dreaming of Esme and Carlisle dancing to the Glenn Miller Band.

I will apologize profusely for the length of time between updates. But what can I say? In RL, I am overworked and underpaid. I will also apologize for not having Carlisle's POV here…he just wasn't talking to me and I didn't want to put crap out here just to update. If I can get him to talk to me, I will write and add outtakes after we finish this little story…promise!

The good news is that I have already started the next chapter and have the rest of the story outlined, so the next chapters should be quicker to get out to you.

A huge "thank you" to those that have been adding me and this story to your favorites.

**Chapter 5**

_From previous chapter…"Dear Esme, you are indeed a treasure. One day you will find your special someone and he…well, he will be the luckiest boy in the world." He stopped and sighed. "He better be good to you…remember your name means 'to be loved'. Always remember your worth, sweet girl. Never doubt yourself… you are simply…amazing."_

_With that he bent over and gave me a brief kiss on my cheek and then my forehead. In one swift movement, he was out the door and talking to my parents, giving them the instructions for my aftercare. _

_Even though I had just experience the most beautiful words from the most beautiful man, I frowned. I couldn't help but think that I would never find another man like Dr. Cullen…Carlisle. He was beautiful, brilliant, charming and funny. No man would ever measure up to him…he was perfect._

The ride home was exhausting. The drugs that Dr. Carlisle gave me were slowly easing their way out of my system and I was dreading the pain that I knew was headed back my way.

My head was still swimming, when we had left the hospital, and my heart was still sinking. How could I miss someone I just met? Carlisle was at least 10 years my senior, but girls my age were getting married all the time…some to men much older than Carlisle. I didn't want to fantasize about him, but I felt that if I didn't keep thinking about him, I would lose all the details of him. I wanted to always remember him. His look, his smell, his touch. He was leaving.

As my parents were loading me back into the wagon, he was giving them some advice on my aftercare. This is when I heard him admitting that he would be leaving this hospital within two weeks as this was his last month in town…he was moving to Chicago. He was instructing my parents to follow up with our local doctor.

To say I was heartbroken was an understatement. I was devastated.

The bump in the road jarred my leg and I winced with pain as I came crashing back to reality. Yes, the drugs were definitely wearing off, but my heart hurt so much worse than my leg. My perfect doctor…my golden eyes…my angel. He's gone and I fear that I will never see him again.

I brought my arm over my face to hide the tears that were now flowing.

I often thought about Carlisle over the next few years. The words he uttered before kissing me still lingered in my mind. I held them close and chose to view my life by his directions:

"_Always remember your worth, sweet girl. Never doubt yourself… you are simply…amazing."_

Whenever a suitor would call, I would immediately think to myself: would Carlisle approve? Of course the answer was always no, so I would turn them down, one by one, as sweetly as possible.

The year was 1916 and I had just turned 21 and much to the dismay of my parents, I was still not married. I never told them why, but it was a constant argument with my mother.

"Why, Esme? Dear, all of your friends are married now." She was lecturing me again today.

"Mother, I am just not interested in any of the local boys. I don't love any of them."

She sighed. "But surely there is one that you would be compatible with, right?"

_Why does she push me so? None of them are Carlisle approved. I would NOT betray my heart and lower my standards._

"What about that nice man that lives on the county line?"

I rolled my eyes, behind her back of course. "Mother, surely you don't mean Charles Evenson?"

"Yes, that's his name. Esme, dear, he comes from a very nice family. We've known his parents since you two were born."

"Mother, I don't love him…I barely know him."

She stopped and turned to me, "Then what are you going to do with your life? Be an old spinster?"

_Great…here goes the second greatest argument within our house…but I am not going to back down. I know what I want and I will keep defending myself…_

"I want to move out and go to school. I want to move out of the cities and move out west somewhere. I want to go where no one else knows me and I want to make a life for myself."

I heard shoes shuffling behind me and then they stopped. I was too late. My father caught the very end of the conversation. As much as my mother and I argued about my single status, my father and I argued about me moving out west since, in his words: _The west is no place for a single woman…any __**decent**__ single woman._

My father cleared his throat before announcing, "Esme, that is not an option. We will not discuss this again."

My heart clinched and stuttered, but I heard my golden-eyed angel speaking his words of encouragement in the back of my mind. I stood up straighter and cleared my throat for show.

"Father, there are plenty of respectable _single_ women traveling out west now. I want to be independent, I want to make my own way, and I want to do this out in the west."

"What would you do to make a living, Esme?" my mother spoke up while glancing at my father.

This was easy, "Teach. I have always been good with children. There are plenty of young, single women that are teachers. Even here in our town."

"Then why can't you teach here? Why do you want to move off to the wild?"

I stared at my mother for the briefest of moments and thought about my answer. I knew why, but could I tell them that I wanted to experience life for myself? Not under their roof? Did I want to go into details about how the thought of living out my life with a brainless country boy, that by the way, just wanted me to wash his clothes and bare his children…that the thought of this drove me to tears? I did want to be married…but just to one man…one perfect man that was surely taken by now and not available for my love. I couldn't tell them this…they would have me declared mentally unstable and have me put away.

My mother took my silence as a break in my will. "Esme, dear, meet with Charles. See if you return his affections. He turned out very handsome and is a very good and decent man that is held in high esteem in the county."

I sighed and nodded, giving into them…again. But in the back of my head, a plan started forming. I would meet with Charles and make my parents think I was on the path to courting him. I would look for work in town and save some money and when the time was right, I would simply leave.

"Okay, mother…father. You can let him or his parents know that he may call on me. But, I cannot make any promises. Please know that I do not wish to marry someone just for the title change alone. I want to marry a man because of love."

My mother patted my shoulder and looked at my father and sighed again. "Sometimes the marriage comes first and then love follows. Be patient with Charles and give him a chance to win your heart."

"I will try, mother."

I waited until my parents walked out of the room and then let out a long heavy sigh. I had heard of Charles. He was very nice looking and from what I had heard, very charming. I had never officially been introduced to him and I had hoped all the good things that I heard about him were true.

One week later, a solid knock landed on our door, announcing someone's arrival. We were expecting Charles and his parents to come over for an afternoon visit. My mother and I had been working to prepare some tea and snacks. My nerves were at ends. I kept hearing my golden angel talk to me and everything he said coming to the fore front of my mind. I would give Charles a chance.

My father walked over and ushered in our guest; first Charles' parents. Then he walked in…he wasn't my golden angel, but he was a close second. When our eyes met, my sharp intake of air caught the attention of my newest suitor and I saw a brilliant smile spread slowly across his face.

Yes, he was beautiful. He came from a nice family. He was definitely interested in me.

But something told me that he was absolutely the most dangerous man I would meet…

A/N: I know the chapters are short…I wanted to show the different sections of Esme's life and expose them; short insights, not a whole drawn out story. Sorry if this not to your liking, but I like the way it's working in my mind and on "paper".

Again, I will apologize for the delay, but the remaining sections of this story have been laid out and shouldn't take long to post. I know that I have quite a few visitors and readers! Please review and let me know what you think.


	7. Chapter 6 True Angel

**A/N: ****Again, Stephanie owns the saga – I like to imagine them as long time friends that are just pale! **

**Apologies for the delay, but halfway through the original chapter I was writing… Carlisle started talking to me. YES!!!! So here is his POV and I hope you enjoy!!!**

**Remember, reviews make me feel all giddy inside…like I should write more and more! **

Chapter 6 – The True Angel

_**Carlisle's POV – Back to 1911 and Esme's accident…**_

As the carriage drove away, I took a couple of steps back and took an unnecessary breath. I was feeling…hmm. How was I feeling? Several emotions swept through me at this point. I started processing them instantaneously.

I felt strange, overwhelmed, breathless, excited, intrigued, but most of all…I was enchanted by the beautiful girl that had just left my sight.

Esme… Her name drips from ones lips.

She had changed slightly from the scrawny and scared child I had seen eight years back, but was still a sight to behold. She was now 16, and during these times, she was considered plenty old enough to marry. If I were a human man, I would…or could I?

No, if I were human, I would definitely follow through on our meeting tonight. I would ask her parents if I could engage in courting her. I would visit her house and sit on her porch or parlor with her. I would eventually hold her hand and maybe even kiss her. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to breathe in her amazing essence. Even now, her scent was still on my tongue. I wanted to ask her father for his permission to mar…

I stopped myself from dreaming and sighed.

I am not a real man. I shouldn't keep concerning myself with this fragile human. But she was so …enchanting. Even before I entered her room tonight, I could hear her perfect heartbeat. It was elevated, of course, due to her pain level, but it was as though her heartbeat called out to me – singing a tune just for me.

She had grown considerably…her heart-shaped face was encapsulated by her caramel hair. She was more beautiful than the actresses that were gracing the big screen now. Much more so… she could have easily had a career where people could just look at her all day. I know that I could. I had never seen a more beautiful person or felt more of an emotional tie to another human being since I was one. But I am no longer.

I had to restrain my laughter a few times after Esme had received the medicine. Her outburst were refreshing…everyone was so uptight in this town. But I could tell that Esme wasn't one to hold back. I was glad that she thought I was handsome and if it hadn't been for all these years of working in the medical profession, I would have definitely lost my composure completely with her.

_Hmmm, beautiful AND a sense of humor…only if I were human…only if she were mine…_

As I begin to wrap her wounded leg, my mind drifted back to the night I met an enchanting child…_Eight years ago…_

****

Walking among the humans is easily achieved once you've abstained from the blood and with practice and patience. I had just arrived in Columbus the previous month with my doctorate credentials nicely framed and of course, I am claiming to be 21 this time. To the simple folks of this quaint town, I had graduated with honors on an accelerated program back east. This should buy me at least eight to nine years in this town…this time. I'd tried pushing 31 at the last town, but the whispers and the stares were becoming too much. I would have to be more careful this time.

"Carlisle? What's troubling you?"

I stopped to hold her hand while taking a deep breath – not needed of course – but just to settle myself. She looked up at me from her tied bonnet, looking as beautiful as ever.

"My dearest Carmen…how did Eleazar end up with someone so beautiful and thoughtful?"

"Well, Carlisle, he was just lucky I guess." Her laughter filled the night as we continued to walk toward the firework show, going back to meet Eleazar.

"But you didn't answer my question…what is your troubles, now? You've been too quiet."

"I'm just settling and trying to get my thoughts all in order to keep the appearance up for my time here. You know the set up takes longer when you arrive in a new town, Carmen."

She chuckled again as we continued to walk. Just then a cry caught our attention. It was a small girl huddled down beside the fence. Carmen immediately went to her to investigate. I held back a few feet, but still able to listen.

"Why are you crying little one?" Carmen was an angel with small children…probably because she never had any of her own.

The child looked up and gazed at Carmen a few second before bursting into tears again. Finally a small voice said, "I…I can't find my family. They were just here and now…and now they're…they're gone."

Carmen immediately pulled the little girl into her lap and wrapped her arms tight around the tiny frame and started rocking her back and forth. As she coddled the child I couldn't help but notice that the little girl had the most virtuous face. She was adorable and most certainly scared. While Carmen held her, I started scanning the crowd to see if there were any panicking faces. Surely someone had to be looking for her.

Then I heard Carmen speaking to the child promising her that everything would be okay and that we would find her family. "You will be happy again very soon," she told the teary eyes as they stood up and started moving through the crowd.

I fell back and followed at an even pace. The little girl was obviously upset and I didn't want her to be upset by TWO strangers trying to help her. I wasn't sure how Carmen knew which direction to head in, until I heard her asking the child a few questions. We headed off toward the tobacco vendor, back toward the center of the town.

Finally, Carmen and the child stopped. These must be her parents. I heard the mother apologize to Carmen for ruining her evening.

_WHAT?! The woman just returned your child that was lost and you think you ruined her evening? Madness, I say. What mother would not be overwhelmed with joy when a child was returned? Even if the child had been unruly, surely the mother should have been thrilled to have her child back in one piece. Even the Prodigal Son was welcomed by his father with a ring for his finger, shoes for his feet and a celebration with the fatted calf and all!_

I ground my teeth to keep all my thoughts inside.

The child started crying again and I waited for her mother to comfort her. It never happened. The child turned her head toward Carmen staring at her for the longest time. She finally squeaked out, "Thank you, for finding my family."

The fireworks show started then and the vision of the beautiful little girl staring up at Carmen in total awe. Carmen lowered herself to her knees and pushed her flowing black curls to one side. She hugged the girl once more and said, "My little one, I will never forget you and I want you to remember this: Happiness is the only good. The time to be happy is now. The place to be happy is here. The way to be happy is to make others so."

Ah, typical Carmen, but the little girl was listening as though her very life depended on it. She took every word into heart and filed it away. She had a few moments before her mother approached and started pulling her away. It was then that Carmen opened her handbag and pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to the little girl. She simply said, "Don't cry, little one. Go and be happy."

As the small child wiped her eyes, she spoke to Carmen for the last time, "I will." Then her parents drew her away from the crowd and headed toward what I assumed was their carriage. I heard several of the men bid her parents and her goodnight.

_Hmmm…Mr. and Mrs. Platt…daughter Esme…_

It was only after the carriage was long gone that Carmen turned to me with a small smile and a hint of sadness in her eyes.

"You know Esme will always remember your kindness."

"Esme?"

"Yes, I overheard her name from acquaintances of her parents."

"Hmmm…" I heard Carmen thinking.

"What?"

"You know what Esme means don't you?" she asked.

"No, but according to that smile on your face you know," I had to tease her.

"You know my wife knows everything. Are you questioning her?" Eleazar had finally rejoined us.

Carmen threw her head back against her husband's shoulder and enjoyed a laugh.

"I was just telling our dear friend Carlisle what the name Esme meant." She explained as Eleazar continued his puzzle looked between us.

"Esme means 'to love or to be loved' and Carlisle, that little girl will grow up to have the largest heart of us all."

"Really? You hiding a crystal ball underneath your bonnet, my wife? I thought I was the seer of talents." Eleazar laughed.

"Not seeing it, but feeling it," she whispered. "That little girl has more love in her heart than all of us combined."

If my interest in the child hadn't been peaked before Carmen's revelation, it certainly was afterwards. I would definitely have to keep check on her as she grows. I would pick up where Carmen left off…I would become her guardian angel and watch over her.

Carmen nudged my arm and brought my attention back. "You'll do this, Carlisle. You'll watch after my _hermosa chica_, won't you?"

I smiled and shook my head at the path we were both travelling. "You read my mind Carmen!"

****

_**Back to 1911…**_

I sighed again as my excellent vision watched Esme and her parents drive far passed the distance of my human coworkers. Esme was more perceptive than I had originally given her credit for…she noticed my golden eyes. I wondered if she connected me with Carmen? I immediately knew my answer when I thought of why she was so relaxed around me. Carmen had put her to ease eight years again when she was in pain and discomfort and I had essentially done the same thing. I was only too happy that I could be there for her.

I quickly turned and headed back into the hospital, all the time thinking of her beautiful face. I would miss seeing her. She was growing into a delightful young woman, as I knew she would.

Up until now, I had made good on my promise to Carmen throughout these past years to watch over Esme. And I hated to go now, but my time to move from Columbus was here – to say that I was somewhat nervous to leave was an understatement. I had spent the last few years laying out the plans to oversee her from afar and I was anxious to see if my careful planning would pay off from miles away. It had to… I am her guardian angel after all.

I laughed out loud when I thought back to the exam room and Esme actually calling me her angel. I let out another unnecessary sigh…

"I'm no angel. I'm far from it, beautiful girl, but I am trying…I'm trying…"

**A/N: Well, I hope you enjoyed seeing into Carlisle's mind. Stephanie Meyers did mention that Carlisle and Esme met over her broken leg, so I am taking a few liberties of filling in some of the wholes here. No offense, Stephanie! **

**Next, we get to meet Charles…and yes…I agree with**** Esme in that he is one of the most dangerous men that she will ever meet!**


	8. Chapter 7 Betraying an Angel

**A/N: Stephanie owns Twilight – I like to help fill in the gaps of Esme's human life. **

**I really enjoyed writing in Carlisle's POV and since they are so entwined, I will definitely have to get him to talk to me more! Especially later on.**

**Now let's get to Charles. A huge "thank you" to those that have been adding me and this story to your favorites.**

**Chapter 7 – Betraying an Angel**

_From previous chapter…_

_My father walked over and ushered in our guest; first Charles' parents. Then he walked in…he wasn't my golden angel, but he was a close second. When our eyes met, my sharp intake of air caught the attention of my newest suitor and I saw a brilliant smile spread slowly across his face. _

_Yes, he was beautiful. He came from a nice family. He was definitely interested in me._

_But something told me that he was absolutely the most dangerous man I would meet…_

"Well, hello, Esme. I'm glad we're finally being properly introduced," said Charles.

_Oh my…okay, this I didn't expect._

"Hello, Charles, it's very nice to meet you." I extended my hand as I was immediately drawn in by his smooth and silky voice. He took my hand and gently kissed my fingers before smoothing them over with his thumb. He turned his gaze upon my face and gave me a half smirk with his eyebrows cocked sideways. Oh yes, he was definitely a charmer.

He quickly looked at my parents. "Mr. and Mrs. Platt, if you don't mind, may I ask this lovely lady for a stroll outside?" Quickly he looked back to me and added, "With your permission of course, lovely Esme."

I nodded and felt a slight smile on my own face.

My father chuckled and gave his blessings. Charles placed another quick kiss on my hand and then placed my hand on top of his and led us outside.

"Esme, I am pleased that you could see me today. I must admit that I have noticed you from afar for awhile now. You've grown into a lovely lady. You are quite beautiful."

I felt my face blush under his direct attention. "Thank you, Charles. It's nice that you noticed."

We continued to stroll around my parent's house for some time. We talked about our likes and dislikes and I found we had several things in common. Charles liked to work with his hands, to build things. I quickly told him that I liked to find older pieces and fix them back up. He smiled at me and asked if that included people…I couldn't help but smile back.

As we stopped by a massive tree in my back yard, I told him of my plans to teach and to move out west to do so, and I felt him stiffen beside me.

"I heard from your father. I was hoping that I could be the one to persuade you to stay."

He saw the look of confusion on my face as he continued.

"Esme, our families have known each other for some time. And although you and I are just now meeting, I have great feelings for you. I want you to know that I will be asking your father's permission to court you openly. If…if you will have me, of course."

My hand flew to my mouth as I tried to cover my surprise. Was this what I wanted? Sure, Charles was a gentleman and came from a respectable family, but did I want to carry our relationship forward?

I looked into his deep blue eyes. They were dancing around and it reminded me of twinkling stars at night…so vibrant, so alive. I could tell Charles had feelings for me, but I could not reciprocate them. Not now. Question was could I ever forget about the golden eyes that still visited me in my dreams? Could I forget about Carlisle and move on with my life? Charles was here – right here in front of me and he wanted me…maybe he loved me, but I could tell that he cared. His voice finally broke through my ponderings.

"I'm sorry, Esme, may be I was too bold…if you'd rather wait some time, I could…."

I interrupted him.

"No, Charles, I'm sorry. I was thinking over your offer." He looked confused. "I agree that there are feelings between us. I would be delighted if you asked my father's permission for my company."

Charles smiled down at me and took my hand again. He kissed my fingertips this time and then held them to his face. "Thank you, dear Esme. You've made me a very happy man. I will speak to your father immediately."

He quietly walked toward my parent's house leaving me by the tree. I knew my parents would be delighted to hear the news that finally SOMEONE wanted to court their daughter. I somehow knew that it would not be long until Charles would be asking my father for my hand in marriage. Charles seems to have his mind made up that he wanted me. I liked that feeling. The feeling of belonging to someone…

Over the next few months, Charles and I grew close. We were constantly together at my parent's house or his and we seemed to get along fine. There were a couple of times where he made me nervous at the obvious temper he had, but he always made up for making me feel uncomfortable. Like the time we had to stop in town and I ran into an old friend. What started off as awkward and uncomfortable turned out to be a rather significant day.

_**A few weeks earlier**_

We had just arrived in town to pick up some supplies as requested by my mother. I stopped to go into the local grocer's store as a boy stopped me on the street. I immediately recognized him. Walter.

"Hi Miss Esme! It's me Walter! How have you been?"

I smiled at my young friend. He had grown at least a foot since I'd seen him last, but I could never forget his grin. "Well hello, Walter. My, it's been awhile since I've seen you. You certainly are growing!"

He chuckled back at me and grinned, "Yes'm. My mother says that she can't keep me clothed good enough…since I grow so fast."

"I imagine so." I laughed along with him and then patted him on the head. "Well, tell your mother I said hello and you don't be such a stranger. Come by and visit us more often."

"Yes'm. Will do. See you later."

I watched as Walter ran down the street. If I had a younger brother, I would hope that he would be like Walter. Every time I ran into him, he was as polite as he could be. He was growing into a handsome boy and I knew he would drive the girls crazy.

But as always, my mind drifted back to that fateful night that I shared with Walter. The night I fell and broke my leg. The night that I met my angel…and I felt the faintest smile cross my lips. What I wouldn't give to have the chance to see Carlisle again. To feel his cool touch on my hand…or dare to even say, to feel his cool touch on my lips.

I had often wondered what it would feel like to have him kiss me. As my thoughts carried me away, I felt someone grab my elbow and twist me around. I was startled to see Charles looking down at me with the strangest expression…anger.

"Charles? What's wrong?" His emotions quickly drew me out of my daydreams and I was immediately embarrassed even thought there was no way he could have known what I was thinking.

He licked his parched lips and stared at me for a moment before answering. "Who was that boy? Did you know him?"

"Yes, Charles. That was Walter, a neighbor of ours. I've known him since he was a baby."

"Well, the way you were just looking at him…" he paused and I looked at him with a questionable arch to my eyebrow.

"Go on, Charles. Just how was I looking at him?"

He drew in a breath – anger still rolling off him. "Esme, you were looking at him like I wished you'd look at me. With want and need."

I was stunned. Of course I didn't look at _Walter_ that way! What was he thinking?

"Charles! How dare you accuse me of looking at Walter with…with…want and need? He is a CHILD for goodness sake!"

Charles raised an eyebrow at me…questioning me. I took in a few deep breaths and shook the dream out of my head once more and looked to Charles. I had to calm him down before he made a scene in town. "Charles, dear. I have no feelings for him outside of protectiveness. He is like a little brother to me. Nothing more." I took this time to run my hand over the arm that still held me captive. It was starting to hurt. "Please…my arm. You're hurting me."

He immediately let go, but the anger didn't recede. I tried once more. "Charles, I am with you. Why would I look at another?"

Why indeed. But as I turned to walk into the store, I realized something.

_Oh my. I was watching Walter run down the street…but I was thinking of kissing Carlisle…_

I turned my head back to Charles and he smiled and led me into the store. I had to be more careful. We gathered the items needed by my mother and were soon back in the carriage and headed to my home. This time we took a different route and I asked Charles about the detour.

"I have something I want to show you." He simply said as we continued the drive into the countryside.

We finally pulled into a beautiful valley outlined by trees. Charles jumped out of the carriage and held his hand for me to get down. We walked a short distance off the road and he showed me a clearing where a small house set, nestled in the woods.

I looked at him puzzled. "I don't understand, Charles, what is this place? Whose house is this?"

He took me by the hand and dropped to his knee with a small ring caught in between the fingers of his other hand.

"Yours if you'll have me. Esme Ann Platt, I want to marry you…I want you to be mine forever. Will you do me that honor? Will you marry me?"

I was stunned to say the least. I knew that our relationship had progressed over the past few months, and I knew that he would ask me…eventually, but nothing had prepared me for it to move quite this fast. I cared for Charles, deeply. But I didn't love him and I wasn't sure if I could ever truly love him.

"Charles, this is all happening so fast. I…I just…I don't know. What about my parents? Your parents? What will they say? Isn't this too fast?"

He frowned for a moment and then cocked his head sideways and looked at me. "Esme, our parents know. I have already spoken to my parents about my plans to buy this house and marry you. They are thrilled. They want grandchildren right away…just so you know."

My breath hitched. _Too soon_, I thought to myself.

He continued, "And as far as your parents, I asked your father for his permission, just the other night. He agreed and your mother was elated."

Esme thought of her mother's joy. Of course she would be excited. This is what her parents wanted. They wanted her married and moving on. She knew they loved her, but Esme couldn't help to think that she wanted to feel loved.

Love. She felt something similar from Charles. If nothing else, she could tell that his feelings for her were intense. Did he loved her? Even though she didn't return his feelings, she knew in time she could grow to care for him. She took a few deep breaths looking into Charles' eyes. Those deep pools.

The gold ones quickly replaced the blue ones. She imagined Carlisle for a few moments and silently asked his forgiveness, for she was betraying her heart and what she felt for him to marry another.

"Yes, Charles. My answer is yes. I will be your wife."

**A/N:** I know, I know. It's hard to imagine Esme with anyone other than Carlisle. But according to the outline that I researched from Stephanie, Esme didn't love Charles but she wasn't opposed to him either.

Thanks again for the reviews and for adding me to your favorites. Please hit the review button at the bottom and give me feedback. I love hearing from you guys!


	9. Chapter 8 A Temporary Angel

**A/N: Stephanie owns Twilight – I like to help fill in the gaps of Esme's life. **

**Long Author's note…**

**I will apologize for the length of time since my last update. I have made some job changes over the last few weeks and it's taken some getting used to on my part.**

**My sister, who is addicted to this series as I am, told me to be honest with you guys, so here's the other part. ANY down time that I have had, I have been completely and intensely submersed into other stories that I am reading. DON'T HATE ME…I was a fan first and foremost. :-) **

**I really enjoyed writing in Carlisle's POV and since they are so entwined, I will definitely have to get him to talk to me more! Especially later on.**

**Now let's get to Charles. This section may be a little difficult to read…it was a little difficult for me to write. **

**A huge "thank you" to those that have been adding me and this story to your favorites.**

**Chapter 7 – A Temporary Angel**

"_Yes, Charles. My answer is yes. I will be your wife."_

The months flew by as my mother and I prepared for my wedding. I can't believe I am getting married. So many of my friends have already made this decision and although I knew this was the next logical step in our relationship, something inside of me wasn't prepared to be tied down to this man.

What do I mean by that?

Charles is wonderful. He really is…a wonderful man. I've already said that, right?

_I'm just nervous…that's it…pre-wedding jitters._

As I now looked down the aisle of the church, with my father's arm intertwined with mine, I wondered where did the time go? It seemed just like yesterday Charles asked me to marry him.

_Am I doing this too quick? Is he the right man for me? I just wish it were…him. My golden-eyed angel._

I shake the thoughts from my head as the church piano started playing the music for me and my father to march into.

My eyes met Charles for the first time since yesterday. He is a sight to behold. He is very handsome in his fitted black suit. Nothing too fancy, but just enough so his long and lean build could be seen. There was no denying that Charles is attractive and I have amazing feelings for him. He could be so sweet sometimes …

*****

The wedding goes as smooth as we've planned. My mother is an excellent planner and for a brief moment, I think if I will have the chance to do this for my children. Will I be overbearing? I smirk to myself as I push that thought aside. I will never be overbearing to my children. I will hug my children, repetitively. I think back to all the missed hugs and kisses from my mother and vow here and now to never be like her. I want my children to know how much I love them. I never want them to wonder, even for a moment, at the depths of my love for them.

I will be their guardian angel…I'll just be missing the golden eyes.

"Hey beautiful. What are you thinking about?" Charles is twirling me around dancing. His words break into my thoughts.

"Actually, I was thinking of how much I am going to love being your wife and a mother to your children." Okay, a half truth to my new husband. I knew I could be a good mother…I am hoping that being a good wife comes as natural and easy.

"My, my. Already planning to make me a father, Esme? Are you sure you want children, already?"

"Charles, I've always wanted children. Are you saying we should wait?"

"My dear, I'll give you whatever you want. For now, I just want to dance with my beautiful wife."

At this, Charles twirled me around and then grasped me tightly again. Yes. He would make a fine husband.

*****

The first few months of our marriage was a storybook romance. Charles was very attentive and cared for all my needs. He even showed some jealous tendencies when we would go out on the town and I would catch some looks from other gentlemen.

Charles is a passionate man. I knew this. I just didn't know the depths of Charles's passion.

I clearly remember the night that things completely changed…and not for the better.

We were going out to eat at a local restaurant. As we walked into the main area, Charles waved at a couple and dropped my elbow to go speak to them. Wanting to get our drinks ordered, I made it to the table before Charles. When I reached our table, I was about to pull out my own chair when a man that was sitting at the next table, jumped up and pulled it out for me.

I smiled briefly at him. "Thank you…."

He smiles with true sincerity and says, "Bill. Bill Cline…and the pleasure is all mine. Enjoy your evening."

I blush slightly. "Thank you, Mr. Cline. My name is Esme Pla...uh…I mean Esme Evenson." I stuttered and blushed again. "Nice to meet you and I hope you enjoy your evening as well."

Mr. Cline nodded and smiled at me again. I settled in my seat as he returned to his table, full of his friends.

With that, I straighten my dress and looked for Charles to let him know that I had settled on a table. As I made eye contact with him, he grimaced and nodded to me. He smiled back down at the couple and shook the man's hand and slowly made it over to our table to sit.

When the attendant came to take our drink and meal order, Charles ordered for us both, barking at the poor girl the whole time. When she didn't answer his questions quickly enough, he actually slammed his fist down on the table and shouted at her more.

I felt her embarrassment.

Once our order was collected, the poor girl nodded and apologized while scurrying off to the kitchen. We sat in awkward silence for a few minutes.

"Charles, was that completely necessary? To scare the poor child so?" I asked.

He said nothing, just glancing over his shoulder as Mr. Cline's table full of friends roared with laughter.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked laying my hand on his forearm and hoping to find out why he was suddenly in a foul mood.

His eyes glared to my hand and then cut up to my face. His eyes were thin slits on his face.

"Esme…do you enjoy mocking me?"

I took a deep breath and then replied, "What do you mean Charles?"

"Don't play games with me. Do you actually enjoy making me look bad?"

"I'm sorry Charles, but I honestly don't know…" I stammered.

He cut me off with a low growl. "Don't. Play. Games. Esme. You know exactly what you're doing. Why else would you let a perfect stranger sit you for dinner?"

_Oh…that? _

"Charles, I honestly didn't think it would offend you. You were in conversation and I wanted to sit down and give you time to talk to your friends."

"Friends that you didn't even wait to meet. You simply passed me by and came over here to flirt with some random stranger. Do I mean that little to you? Or do you enjoy hurting me? I saw you talking and smiling with him."

I leaned my head to the side and stare at my husband, trying to envision what he saw…to see his point of view. Hmmm. I came up with nothing that would warrant his behavior.

_But really? Is it that important that I meet another set of your pompous friends? Fake smiles and fake laughter… _

I straighten up, took another deep breath as I looked him in the eyes. "Charles, forgive me, dear. I had no idea that '_me meeting another set of your friends_' was that important to you. Next time, I promise I will introduce myself before seating myself. And besides, I was not flirting. I simply thanked Mr. Cline for pulling out my chair."

_Another growl. That can't be good._

"Mr. Cline? So you know him now? You're friends now? Will he start calling on you as well? Is this what you plan to do while I work all day? Entertain gentlemen callers?"

I sighed and shook my head.

_Please…not here…not now._

He continued, "And Esme…_**dear**_…you will not speak to my friends until I introduce you. If and when I want to introduce you, that is." He grabs my hand which I had pulled back in front of me as it was sitting on top of the table. He squeezes it…hard.

Panic sets in…_he's never hurt me before._ I have to let him know. Surely he doesn't realize he's hurting me.

"Charles, you're hurting my hand." I whisper so I don't bring attention to us.

"Esme, you are forgetting that you are mine. Mine to do with as I please. You belong to me."

_What?! I belong to him? I remember getting married…not adopted._

"Charles, please let go. You're hurting me." I say, attempting to drop my voice lower so he knows I am serious.

At this point, Mr. Cline obviously hears our conversation and steps up to our table. "Excuse me. Mrs. Evenson, are you okay over here?" He looks me straight in the eyes.

Holding back my unexpected tears, I notice the shade of Mr. Cline's eyes. They are the lightest shade of brown and even though they aren't golden, I instantly think of Carlisle and miss him more than I could've imagined. I am somewhat comforted by the thoughts that my golden-eyed angel has sent another angel to watch over me, when he couldn't be here for me personally.

Charles scoffs at the man and breaks me from my reverie. He is just short of shouting back to Mr. Cline. "Sir, I thank you not to speak to wife directly and to distance yourself from affairs that do not concern you."

My rescuer takes his eyes slowly from mine to find the glare of Charles and says, "Sir, I was speaking to the lady. I can see that YOU are fine. I do notice that you are cutting the circulation off at her wrist and must ask that you let her go before you harm her." Mr. Cline's voice rang with authority and finality as he added, "if you do not let your grip loosen, I shall remove you from her presence at once."

A couple of things happen simultaneously.

One, Charles stands so fast that he knocks his chair down in the process. He also lets go of my hand which I am relived. As the blood starts flowing back into circulation, I cry out and wince with a small amount of pain. This small act is noticed by both men.

Second, the table full of gentlemen that had been sitting with Mr. Cline all stand and get in between the potential struggle.

My immediate thoughts are about my latest angel of mercy and his welfare.

_I can't let Mr. Cline get hurt. But where did that come from? Why wasn't I concerned about Charles? _

I quickly process this out in my head.

_Charles knows how to take care of himself. I'm not so sure about Mr. Cline's abilities to protect himself…that's all. Concern for someone that was concerned about me…yeah, that's all._

I step up and put my arms at length between Charles and Mr. Cline effectively separating them.

I look up, apologetically at Mr. Cline and speak softly. "Please, sir. We're fine, I promise. Thank you."

Mr. Cline, who had been glaring at Charles, softens as he looks down to me and lowers his arms. His eyebrows arch and he whispers, "Are you sure, Esme? Are you sure you're fine?"

I fell Charles stiffen at the question and the use of my first name. He grabs my elbow…he answers for me.

"Mr. Cline, we are fine. Again, I must request that you mind your own business, sir. We are of no concern to you."

I lower my head, too ashamed of my husband's actions. I don't want to see the pity that is certain to be in Mr. Cline's eyes.

_Yes, very close to my angel's color, but not quite. Thank you, Carlisle, for sending him to watch over me._

Charles whirls us around as the waitress appears with our order. Apparent confusion on her face.

"We're leaving." Charles simply states as we walk away from my rescuer and out the door.

I really don't know what I was expecting. This was the first time that Charles has reacted out this way, and as we step out to the street, Charles looks around to see if anyone is around us. The street is empty and almost eerie.

For a second, I am not sure what has happened. I remember seeing his hand lift but then I was on the ground and dazed, confused even, as how I ended up there. I position my hands and arms to lift myself up and caught a glimpse of Charles' shoes. My eyes travel from his shoes, up his leg and torso to his face.

He is smiling and my stomach knots further.

_He hit me? He knocked me down to the ground? AND he is smiling?_

Silent tears rolled down my cheek as he squats down and grabs my shoulder roughly. He leans into my ear. "Let that be a lesson, dear Esme." He squeezes hard and pulls me to a standing position. My throat closes as I try to swallow the fear that has risen inside me.

"Never embarrass me again, do I make myself clear?" he seethes. "Never question me, either." I meekly nod at him, unsure of what to say or what else to even think at this point.

He doesn't offer to help brush the dirt from my clothes, but turns to get into our carriage. He adds gravely, "You acted as nothing more than a cheap whore tonight, Esme. Cheap and common. I am so disappointed in you."

I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat. _I will not cry, I will not cry, I will NOT cry!_

Charles doesn't offer to help me into the carriage, so I sorely climb up beside him and ride still and silent all the way home.

_I have made a mistake. A huge mistake marrying this man…this demon. He is no angel…he is no Carlisle._

*****

Charles got worse over the next few weeks. I can't get a handle on his temper. I have no idea what sets him off. It could be a look or a word. Even a smell.

His dinner not to his liking? I get a slap across the face.

His clothes not laid out perfectly? I get shoved against the wall and then hit over and over with his belt.

I am lost and at my wits end with what to do or even how to cope. I even break down and try to talk to my mother one afternoon only to be reminded that I should be the dutiful wife and try harder.

She had said, "You have to know how to please your husband, Esme. Obviously, you are doing something wrong. You must try harder."

_Obviously? Like this is my fault that I am not performing up to Charles' standards so a fist to the face is perfectly normal and should even be expected?_

I shake my head at my mother. I am a good person. Even if I don't get the perfect crease ironed in his pants, there is no reason that I should suffer from his hands like this.

_A newlywed of a few months…and I hate my husband. I hate my life. _

That talk with my mother was a few days ago. Nothing has changed in my perspective and I let out a long sigh. I have thrown myself across the tiny bed. It's early April and I've been doing some spring cleaning and I'm exhausted from double checking all the household duties. I don't want to start tonight off wrong.

_What will I cook for Charles tonight? Something simple so it can be mistake free. I am a coward now._

I hear the door open and close loudly. Automatically my stomach clinches inward with one thought: _He's home._

I quickly jump up, straighten the bed and walk toward the front entry. Charles is standing there with all eyes wide pacing back and forth when without warning he darts past me to our bedroom. I hear him scuffling around – moving things.

"Charles? Is everything okay? What's wrong?" I asked timidly, not wanting to bring on the beatings prematurely. He doesn't say anything to me. He quickly brushes by me again heading back into the dining room and starts pulling papers from the desk that I am not allowed to touch…

"_These are my papers, Esme" SMACK. "This is my business!" SLAP "Don't touch this desk again, do you hear me?"_

I am now terrified as he starts slinging the drawers to the desk all over the table and shuffling through papers. I know this mood and I hope he doesn't turn his aggression toward me. With his every move, I flinch more and pull back into the corner of the room to escape his line of vision.

"We're at war Esme! Can you comprehend that? The United States has declared war…President Wilson says that we have joined the war against Germany."

_What? The United States at war?_

"What does this mean for us, Charles?" my voice is quiet as I hope my question doesn't set him off against me.

He surprises me by stopping and taking a deep breath. "I'm not sure. All I know is that I have to report to the train depot in Columbus by 10pm tonight. I got the telegram this morning. I…" he stutters, " I have to go, Esme. They are shipping me overseas."

My heart slams into the pit of my stomach. A sinking, crushing feeling washes over me. Then my guilt follows.

I am not sad to hear that Charles is being sent to fight. I am actually happy to hear that he is leaving and I don't have to fear his mood swings and wrath. I can only hope that he leaves quietly without a reminder of his fury and when or if he comes back that he will be a changed man.

He grabs a handful of papers and runs back to our bedroom to finish packing his suitcase.

Numbness envelopes me as I look at the mess he made with the papers. Do I clean them up? It's a mess…but he told me never to touch them. I remember the last kick to my stomach very vividly. But he hates a mess.

_What do I do? Maybe if I do this fast enough, he will not think about me touching the papers and just be glad the mess is not here._

I quickly start cleaning up.

_I hate that I have to reason with myself over the simplest things. To touch the papers and be beaten or to leave the mess and be beaten. I hate my life._

By the time I have it all cleaned up and put back in order, Charles steps from our bedroom with a suitcase in each hand. He stops and places them on the floor by the front door and turns to me.

As he approaches me, I flinch from his close proximity. I flinch again at his touch on my elbows. He drops his hands and takes a deep breath. I feel his long sigh against my face.

"Esme, I'm…sorry." I stare at him dumbfounded. "For what it's worth, I never meant for it to go this far. I never wanted to hurt you. I just can't always control my feelings."

He sounds so repentant that for a fleeting moment, I recognize the man that I married and cared for…

He reaches out and for the first time in months, I don't flinch - I let him caress my cheek. He leans down and places a quick and chaste kiss on my lips.

"I love you, Esme. Please look out for our things and I'll return to you as soon as I can."

I nod without answering and watch him walk out the door.

He's gone.

_Will he come back? I'm not sure._

_Do I want him to come back? Again, I'm not sure._

_Do I want him to die?_

My mind goes blank.

For now, he's gone and I know that I'm safe from him. A small but confident smile slowly breaks across my face.

I have so many things to do before he comes back…IF he even makes it back.

_Esme, old girl, welcome home. Time to get in gear and prepare!_

A/N: Thanks again for the reviews and for adding me to your favorites. The next chapter will be happier and happier is easier for me to write than sad, emo, and depressing. Hopefully it won't take a full week to crank out the next chapter!

**NOTE:** Spousal abuse is a serious subject and shouldn't be taken lightly. If you or someone you know is experiencing this, please seek help. **You don't have to live in fear. **If you are afraid for your safety or have been beaten by your partner - Dial 911 or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at **1-800-787-3224**.


	10. Chapter 9 An Angel Vow

**A/N: Stephanie owns Twilight – I like to imagine what could have happened before the fall. **

**This is a real short chapter from Carlisle's POV. I wanted him to have a say before exploring Esme's time without Charles. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 8**

"_To have and to hold, until death do you part…"_

**CPOV**

I stand in the very back of the church, unseen. I had heard she was getting married, but I had to see for myself. My cold, dead heart felt as though it was breaking but it's not like I can offer her the love that she needs…or deserves. I would gladly give her my devotion.

She is a vision today. Her white dress, so pure, so beautiful. My beautiful Esme…married, I thought as I swallowed my groan.

As soon as I heard of her pending marriage, I immediately made inquiries of the man in which she was betrothed. Charles Evenson. Clean record, but not good. Sometimes, you can just sense these things.

I can even tell she doesn't love him, but he seems to make her happy and I would give anything to see a smile on her face. I just wish that it was me with her and the minister. That I was the one she loved…that I was the one that made her happy.

Love. Happiness. Two words that seem distant to me now, but no two words were longed for by any other than by me. I wish I could find love and happiness.

As I watch her kiss Charles a feeling of jealousy sweeps through my dead body. I suddenly feel more alive than I should.

I slip silently through the doors to the church as I hear the preacher introduce the happy couple.

There it is again…Happy.

I need familiarity. I need someone to tell my story to…someone to confide in…someone who will understand what I am going through…someone who…

Is exactly like me…

Leaving the church yard that day, I vowed to myself that I would not be lonely any longer. If I couldn't find a wife, I would at least find an ally in this new world.

My steps came to a halt and I quickly looked back over my shoulder and watch her come out of the church with her new husband. I thought I felt a sliver of my frozen heart splinter and fall into the pit of my stomach. _He better take good care of her, _were my only thoughts. And then a smile crossed my face.

_I will see you later, Esme. I will always watch over and care for you._

_*****_

The afternoon sun had just set as I made my way into my office at the hospital. Another night ahead of me and I was wondering what it would bring. Hmmm. Checking the charts I notice that several flu patients had been seen today.

_That's interesting. Almost seems too early in the season for that many in one day._

A soft knock at my door interrupts my thoughts and I answer "Come in."

"Well, old man, how are things?" the familiar voice answers.

"Eleazar. Thanks for coming."

"Don't thank me yet, Carlisle…I have some disturbing news."

"Is…is she alright?"

The long dormant feeling on panic feels as though it will choke me and I tense for his answer.

Eleazar grabbed my shoulder as I stood. He recanted the story from the restaurant where he and a few acquaintances, one being a Mr. Bill Cline, were out for a night on the town while he was wrapping up some business near Columbus.

_He will die slowly by my hands._

As a doctor I know that I am not supposed to TAKE life, but help to sustain it. But as the news of my Esme suffering reached me, I could barely contain myself.

"I knew it was her by the descriptions from you and Carmen both. She is lovely, Carlisle, but she is also human."

"I know, but my feelings for her remain, Eleazar. She has etched her beautiful spirit into my soul and although I know that I will not be able to be with her, I made a vow to myself to always protect her."

"Well, Charles is a brut, but something tells me that the fire that I saw in her eyes that night, well…that kind of fire will be hard for him to extinguish. She is very bright…a star, a sun. She will take no more than she can handle. Put your trust in that…she is strong."

I smiled smugly at him and patted him on the back, "Dear Eleazar, see? She impressed you as well!"

"I felt more love and compassion surrounding her than anyone else. Even more than you, Carlisle." Eleazar chuckled lightly.

"Just be enduring, Carlisle. If you two are meant to be, it will work out. Trust your intuitions – let them lead you."

As Eleazar filled me in on the news of Charles being sent overseas for the war, I couldn't help to think that Esme would be safe while he was gone. When, or if, he came back, I would have to check on her more often. I wanted to be sure that she continued to blossom into all that I knew she had potential in becoming.

Eleazar had called her a Star or Sun, but I knew he had it right. _Compassion._ Esme was brighter than us all and I would make sure she came out this shining as always.

**A/N:** **A huge "thank you" to the reviews that I got from the previous chapters. You really make my day with your kind words! Also, a big sloppy wet smootchy to those that have been adding me and this story to your favorites.**

I'll be working on Esme's married life sans husband over the next week or so. Be patient, be kind and leave me a review!


	11. I am my own angel

**A/N: Stephanie owns Twilight – I am just imagining what could have happened before the fall. **

**First and foremost, let me apologize for the length of time since my last update. I have been caught up in my own drive to read as well as other real life happenings. Some good, some devastating to me and my family. All I can ask is for you all to forgive me and I will try to get back to quicker turn-a-round timeframe.**

**Thanks to those that continue to add me to your favorites and of course for the reviews.**

**Chapter 9**

**EPOV**

When Charles first left, I felt empowered. I didn't know if he would make it back alive, but I knew I had to prepare myself while he was gone…for however long he was gone. If Charles came back alive, I had decided that I would be the next to leave the house. I would not live in his cruel shadow again.

I had my plan in place and my money was being safely stowed away.

You see, Charles had never let me work. He said respectable women didn't work outside the home. He said by me asking for something else to do, that I didn't love him and didn't care about our home – or him.

He was right. I didn't care for him or his house. He never let me have a choice. However, after Charles left, I felt as though I had to erase all the ugliness that was brought on by him. The home should be a refuge, not a constant reminder of pain and torment. I would make his _house_ into my _home_. I would take my surroundings and make them better – cozier – more _me_.

It started off small at first. I replaced the bed sheets that he picked out. The stark white ones that I had grown to hate. The whole bedroom had been white. White bed, white walls, white furniture. I pretended the white was a painter's blank canvas – one begging the artist in me to fill with arcs and lines and especially with colors to liven up the room.

After the new and vibrant bed sheets, I made some colorful curtains to match. The bright colors started soothing me in an immeasurable way compared to the previous downtrodden years, so I moved my sights to the rest of my house. New table cloths and curtains for the kitchen, new rugs for the formal room and new pottery to add to the already alluring charm the space seemed to give off.

My new found coordination even reached my mother's house. I would go for tea and automatically find myself looking to see how the space could be improved. If we moved my father's arm chair and changed out the old rugs with a more neutral shade, the room looked twice as big. Add a couple of fresh flower containers in my great-great grandmother's vases, and well, even my mother approved.

When a couple of the local ladies came by for a visit and asked about the changes, my mother was the first to point out that I had moved some things around for her. The women were in complete awe of the slightest changes and how it could make such a big impact. Before I knew it, the other ladies were asking me to come and make similar suggestions for their houses as well.

This is when I first had the thought - I could earn money by helping to decorate and to organize. It was also at this time when I came up with the plan to save money so I wouldn't have to live in fear of Charles any longer. I could pay my own way – live my own life.

As the war raged on, I found myself working every odd and end job and taking every penny and nickel I could scrape together and I hid it all away. I knew if or when Charles came home, I had to leave before he started with the abuse. I simply could not endure him anymore – physically or emotionally.

Right after Charles left, I had started getting letters from him. I didn't read them – even though they came every week. I didn't throw them away, either; I simply placed them in my nightstand drawer beside the bed. Each week I would stare at it for about an hour before adding it to the collection of others.

Today was no different. Today's letter was no different. I wouldn't read it. I didn't care what Charles had to say. I didn't care if the letters were full of regrets and apologies. I didn't care. I wouldn't live in that again. I wouldn't bow down and take his beatings any longer.

I didn't know what to feel. Was I glad he was gone? Definitely. I didn't have to work so hard to hide the bruises.

Was I hopeful he would die in the war? This is what I didn't know. I know I didn't love him, I didn't want to be married to him anymore, but I certainly didn't wish death on him.

In these last two years, I didn't have to worry about what would set him off, what would push him to the edge of his insanity where he felt it necessary to physically punish me. I didn't have to live in fear.

With my new found (and well paying) hobby, I now know how it feels to have some freedom and I cannot go back to living with Charles in that sense. With a deep sigh, I open the drawer and placed the letter in back with the rest. I shut the drawer with a finality that resonates deep in my soul. I know once Charles returns, I will leave him. I have no choice.

I hear a shuffling sound so I quickly turn around. My heart drops.

"Hey sweetheart. I'm home."

And just like that, my world goes black.

A/N: Again, my deepest apologies for taking too long to update. Thanks again for your reviews and for adding me to your favorites. I have the next chapter outlined already – so maybe it won't be long.


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